Guest Lounge – Coach Daddy

There are many things I can do. But, let’s be honest, as a female, there are some things I can’t do.

(Whoa, settle down – hear me out, okay?)

One of the things I can’t do is see the world from a male perspective. It just ain’t going to happen. I can try to understand, sympathise and empathise but it’s not the same as seeing the world through the eyes of a male.

Today, I have the pleasure of introducing you to a man with an unique perspective. I first came across his blog when scrolling through a list of ‘recommended blogs’ given, helpfully, by WordPress. I stopped at one with an image of a lego Star Wars man holding aloft a tiny lego Star Wars child. I loved the image and went to investigate. I stayed because of the content written with the ‘Daddy’ slant, tongue-in-cheek humour, and the literally laugh-out-lout wit. I’d encourage you to click over to his blog and check it out.

He loves ‘futbol’, food and fatherhood. And today, he’s going to answer a few of the weird questions kids ask. Not surprisingly, he’s going to answer them from a male perceptive. Please welcome Eli from Coach Daddy to the Guest Lounge.

Photo: Leather Recliner by CC BY-SA 2.0
Photo: Leather Recliner by CC BY-SA 2.0

I’d made the offer before.

TP actually took me up on it.

I write a Friday feature called Go Ask Daddy. Any and all questions my daughters – ages 9, 13 and 16 – ask go into a file. It’s 200-plus strong right now. I choose five at random every week (thanks, and answer them in a blog post.

Other readers have said, “I wish you’d answer questions at my house!”

They don’t realize I’d do it, for dinner. TP has some kid-originated questions for me. So, let’s get to the answers. Coach Daddy is in the house.

1.     Where does the light go when you turn it off?

Deep, right off the bat.

Photons are little chunks of light. We’re talking, smaller than a mini chocolate chip. Much smaller. They bounce around at incredible speeds when the lights are on. But when the go off – they stop. Instantly.

Within a thousandth of a second, it slows down to 1 in 10 to the 43rd power. That’s too slow for a human to see. So the light’s still there. It’s just lights out.

Photo: leg0fenris via photopin cc
Photo: leg0fenris via photopin cc

2.     What makes stars shine?

Know how they say after a superb debut performance, “a star is born”?

If they only knew.

A star begins as a huge mass of gas. Mostly, hydrogen. These gases contract, and get hotter. So hot that the hydrogen becomes helium as energy is released. The same gas that makes your voice sound like a munchkin’s when you suck it out of a balloon can also make a star shine.

The process is called fusion, and it creates a ton of energy. It becomes like a parade of heat x-rays, light, radio waves and ultraviolet light.

And that just looks like a twinkle from here.

3.     When did the olden days turn into colour?

I used to think that film of dinosaurs would be really grainy.

We think of the olden days in hues of sepia tone and black-and-white, because that’s the only film they had back then. As early as 1908, technology existed to make movies into color – it was just really lousy and hard to do.

Many people consider “Gone With the Wind” or “Wizard of Oz” as the first color films.

The truth is, the olden days were in vivid color, just like today.

4.     After we die, how do we stay stuck in the ground?

We have nowhere else to go, dear child.

When I first started in newspapers, I handled the obituaries and weather reports. Presumably, one would check the obituaries first, make sure they weren’t in them, then see what the weather would be like for the day. Because they were alive and all.

Plain dirt can weigh as much as a ton per cubic yard. Of course, a flood or hurricane, or Michael Jackson video, are no match for that kind of weight. During flooding in low-lying areas, coffins can pop up out of the ground quite easily.

5.     How come when you blow in a dog’s face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out of the window?

It’s the same logic that explains why I ask for my burger without onions, but order a side of onion rings.

The ultimate image of doggy bliss – this side of having lots of bums to sniff – is fido with his head out the window of a car, tongue wagging. No dogs have ever answered this question, to my knowledge. My guess is that when a dog hangs out a car window, he catches whiffs of aromatic splendor – barbecues and butcher shops, fresh mown grass and great danes and salukis and even calico cats.

When you blow in his face? He gets only a face full of chicken nuggets and ice cream wind.

6.     If we count sheep to fall asleep, what do they count?

Salukis, chasing calico cats, I suppose.

It would make sense that they count people, wouldn’t it? But people leaping a fence? Sitting in a Starbucks? Maybe it’s simpler than that. Maybe they count … themselves. I’ve never met a sheep with insomnia, so my final answer is that they don’t play around with counting games, human or sheep.

Probably a cup of warm milk with vanilla does the trick.

7.     What was the best thing before sliced bread?

Black and white movies, of course.

Back in the olden days, when you also had to get up to change TV channels by hand, you had to slice pieces of bread off the loaf to make a sandwich. Barbaric, right? In a space-age move in 1928, inventor Otto Rohwedder gave the world the bread-slicing machine. Until the head-mounted toilet paper dispenser was born, it was a dark age of invention.

8.     How do you know you live in the real world?

If you hear absurd news of political corruption, Paris Hilton and the Colorado Rockies losing baseball game after baseball game after baseball game, it’s the real world, all right. Sometimes, it isn’t pretty.

Other times, it’s more than pretty. It’s neighbors helping in times of needs. Stories of inspiration and human spirit that give you hope for tomorrow.

If you’re not sure if it’s real life or not, just turn on the TV.

If it’s in color … it’s the real world.

Photo: Eli Pacheco from Coach Daddy
Photo: Eli Pacheco from Coach Daddy

When he’s not hosting awesome guest posts or answering questions for his own kids, Eli Pacheco is a soccer coach, dad and keeper of the blog Coach Daddy. Follow him on Google Plus, Pinterest and Twitter.



11 thoughts on “Guest Lounge – Coach Daddy

  1. Great, great questions! And great answers, of course, didn’t expect anything else. So – about the coffins popping up out of the ground… does this happen all year round or Halloween night only?

Like what you read? Tell me about it.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s